(TL:DR – do what’s right for you)
I've been asking myself this question quite a lot over the past few months, especially in my recent summer break. Turns out that switching off the email, and deleting Twitter and LinkedIn apps, doesn't stop one's brain from going overtime.
There's a couple of reasons for me writing this now, but the catalyst is that my first year's books are being finalised. Nothing like a hunk of tax to get you thinking.
Why write this?
Firstly, I want it to act as a record for me, something codified, tangible and inescapable. Something to refer back to, cementing my purpose and reasons for starting my own thing.
Secondly, I know from many conversations that I am not alone in feeling occasionally overwhelmed.
“Feast & Famine: When you’re not so flush, panicking and scrambling to find work, worrying you’re not good enough, and then before you know it you’ve taken on far too much.”
Over the past 18 months, many peers, colleagues and other professionals have been so kind to share their wisdom and advice, or have been a sounding board. I'm honoured by their support, thankful for their cheerleading and openness to listen to (and occasionally be engaged by) my ramblings.
By sharing this, I hope it offers some support to my fellow professionals, especially if they need it too. We're all going through the same thoughts and feelings behind the sheen of the LinkedIn post.
I want this to act as a catalyst to empower you – YOU, reading this – as so many kind words have emboldened me.
Feast and famine
As many freelancers reading this will know, the ebb and flow of feast and famine is a lot at times. Worrying about not doing enough, versus taking on too much. The juggling, the desire to grow, affirmation, w*rk-l*fe balance.
Being honest, this is something that I still struggle with every few months. When you're not so flush, panicking and scrambling to find work, worrying you’re not good enough, and then before you know it you've taken on far too much.
But. It. Always. Evens. Out.
Hold tight, put things out there and pay it forward – things come back around.
Comparison is the thief of joy
There have been lots of new agencies starting up since the pandemic started (and in recent years, generally). I feel honoured to be mentioned in the same breath as some great professionals.
However, this has added pressure to my overthinking brain. Should I be doing more? Bring someone else on board? Say yes to that opportunity? Work more hours? Should I evolve into an agency?
I’ve worked hard and am blessed that I've come to the point in the past couple of months where I could expand the business and say yes to a lot more. Yet, this has caused worry and anxiety – can I fit it in? Should I pass up the opportunity?
I didn't expect Authentic to be more than me, and it may be more than me in the future. Not right at this moment.
Why go freelance?
In a word, flexibility.
I'd moved to four days a week in my previous role, and the agency were incredibly supportive. However, it still felt like a strain to be in the office or on certain projects, including commuting time, when I had two kids under three. That took me away from me spending more time with my family in the mornings and evenings.
I also had come to the stage in my career where I wanted more autonomy, empowerment – the ability to be in control of my own decisions and direction.
In another word, affirmation.
Maybe not from myself, but proof of worth and value from others. The thanks, the appreciation, the underlining that what I was doing is good enough. Imposter syndrome blog coming soon.
If either of these points ring out to you, and you’re interested in speaking about making the move to freelance, get in touch. More than happy to have a chat and share my experience as others did for me.
So, what now?
In short, I’m slowing my roll. I'm trying to run, when I know a decent walk would be far more comfortable. That's a pace with growth and next steps coming at the right time for me.
I'm going to revert to four days a week – starting with saying no to projects that (in my heart of hearts) know would be a stretch for me. Fridays and weekends are time for me and the family. I want to get my evenings back and try some semblance of a routine, not just laptop out and chip away at an endless to-do list…
Might change in a few months, and will revisit in Jan next year.
Hope this resonates and helps a few others realise it’s not just in their head. Sharing is caring and all that.
Look after yourselves; been a helluva a few years ✌️